Chris and Rihanna...Again

I had hoped it wouldn't come to this although I knew all along that it would. A few days after the incident I told my roommate that the two would get back together. Sure enough, not a week later they were arm in arm again. I was bored one day so I started looking at editorials, you'll never believe what I found.

There seems to be a general consensus that Rihanna is an idiot for taking him back. I would agree but with a few reservations. First off, Rihanna is a victim, not the villain. I can't tell you how many people have said that she either did something to deserve this in the first place (wrong!) or deserves it now because she took him back (also wrong!). Statistically speaking, domestic violence is often a repetitive occurence. The abuse cycle going from honeymoon to tension to violence and then back again is VERY REAL and VERY DESTRUCTIVE. Whenever emotions are involved, people don't always think rationally about the risks they are taking. The whole phenomena of women taking back men who physically, emotionally or psychologically abuse them is also real and very dangerous.

Should Rihanna have taken him back? I can't answer that because I'm not her and I'm not him. I don't know either one. I do know that staticstically speaking its probably not a good idea. I also know that people should be focusing less on this one specific troubled couple and a lot more on the bigger issue. Domestic violence is a big problem that no one likes to talk about. I stand by my earlier comments that ultimate responsibility lies with the man and that hitting a female is wrong under any circumstances. With that being said, it can be hard for a guy who's trying to do the right thing and the girl keeps getting up in his grille.

This leads to a bigger issue. What causes domestic violence? Is it misplaced anger? Are the offenders bad people? Can they change? Are they ever justified in their action? After all there seems to be an underliying notion prevalent in the black community that if a woman challenges a dude's manhood then its ok to put her "in her place". What kind of talk is that? What gives me or anyone else the so called right to strike another person? The answer is nothing. That is not a right anyone ever has, unless it's a case of self-defense,(which the Chris Brown case wasn't) It's time to really sit down and deal with the problem, or people are going to keep perpetrating and falling victim to the same acts of violence. You are not less of a man if you walk away from the argument. Ladies, as much as you want to you probably can't change the man that is abusing you. He has issues he needs to work out on his own, way from you. Your safety is most important.

Ultimately, Chris deserves another chance in the public spotlight, AFTER he has gone to counseling and atoned for his sins. But Chris isn't the only one. There are men all over the world who are just as guilty as he is. There are women who are guilty too. I hate to admit it but I know a few women who would own me in a boxing match. A recent study found that women are nearly equally as likely as a man to throw the first punch in an argument. Its never weak to be the bigger person and do the right thing. Ultimately both the victim and offender need help, for the victim to cope with the pain and for the offender to deal with their anger and whatever other issues they have.

Again, if you know someone in a situation like this, stand up for what's right and don't stay silent. Lives might hang in the balance. In the meantime, stop blaming the victim, its not their fault. Just like the offender deserves forgivness and mercy, the victim deserves understanding and love. I hope the media lays off of Chris and Rihanna, what happened was wrong but they deserve some privacy. If they want to work things out then give them a chance, I wish them the best. We can't let celebrities distract from the real issues of domestic violence and spousal abuse. It always starts with one, if each and every one of us vows to never let this happen, eventually as the message spreads progress will be made.